The widow of the former Head of State of a small African nation has expressed surprise at the lack of interest from the numerous people she has emailed offering a share of her husband’s millions. The family of the late King of Fakumba, have apparently sent ‘dozens’ of emails to suitable ‘good and responsible’ people across the UK offering them a share of the fortune, in return for a mere £2500. But as of yet, there has been no response. Queen Echinacea and her daughter the Princess Jasmine are now concerned that people suspect the offer is too good to be true. ‘It is very strange, maybe people are unaware of the Kingdom of Fakumba, as we admittedly are a very small nation,’ the Queen remarked, ‘but we are easy enough to find, being north of South Africa and east of Nigeria. Despite being a very small country we are rich in oil, gas, gold, diamonds and numerous other precious stones, and it is perhaps unusual that more people aren’t aware of our homeland.’ The Fakumba royal family are now in hiding, but had managed to withdraw over GBP4.6million from bank accounts before the monarchy was overthrown in a military coup led by the former head of the army General Madeupi, ‘I really cannot stress how important it is that we receive the money we need to flee to Europe,’ begs the Queen in her email, ‘where we will be so happy to reward our saviour with half the money to say thank you for their assistance. My beautiful daughter Jasmine would certainly be willing to do anything for any man out there prepared to help us. However, for now we remain trapped in a safehouse in the hills of Fakumba, with my late husband’s vast fortune hidden in four large pillowcases.’ The lack of respondents has been blamed on a new cynicism surrounding the veracity of the internet, and echoes the case of Dr Augustus Shenckelmann who has personally emailed thousands of people to promote a new cream proven to tackle erectile dysfunction. ‘It’s incredible,’ sighs Dr Shenckelmann, ‘it’s almost as if people are not really interested in the latest developments in penile technology.’ 17th January 2010
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BENTON, Ark. (CAP) – Benton police and FBI agents are on the search for multiple suspects following the break-in and robbery of the Dollar Tag store on Main Street. Police say the heist netted a massive $37 in cash and merchandise.
“How am I supposed to recover from this?” asked store owner Murry Lipinski. “With my $50 deductible, that makes this a total loss. A total loss!”
Investigators say the thieves used a small amount of Semtex plastic explosive to blow a hole in the wall of the building and then managed to clean out the safe, loot the shelves, and make their getaway all before police could respond to the store’s alarm.
“This is organized crime at its top level. This was planned and executed with military precision,” said Benton Police Chief Gary Sipes. “This is a terrifying crime committed by professional and organized gangsters.”
In fact, FBI agents joined the investigation because this robbery marked the fifth time in just six weeks that a Dollar Tag store was hit, and the first time the thieves crossed state lines. The Benton robbery is by far the largest so far, almost double the amount stolen from the Dollar Tag in Bethany, Okla. last month.
Surveillance tape from the store showed at least four people entering the building, with two of them then spray-painting the security cameras and blocking any further view. Investigators say of the four, three are men and one is believed to be a woman.
Anyone with information about the robbery is asked to call the Benton Police Department. No reward is being offered at this time, but witness protection is available if an eye-witness report leads to an arrest.